


Ashes to Ashes

by BammBamm



Series: MCU Kink Bingo [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Emotional Hurt, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, MCU Kink Bingo, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Sensory Overload, this is gonna hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 14:10:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16703935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BammBamm/pseuds/BammBamm
Summary: A brief look inside Steve's mind during the end of Infinity War.Line O1 in my MCU Kink Bingo - Sensory Overload.





	Ashes to Ashes

**Author's Note:**

> Line O1 - Sensory Overload.  
> This is more angst than sexual.

No one told Steve what to do when the fight was over.

In all his training, there had been many rules, but none that said what to do when the fighting suddenly stopped. When he’d moved heaven and earth, challenged the gods and dared them to take his body as a willing sacrifice only for it to mean nothing at all.

_Steve?_

No one had told him what to do because these things weren’t supposed to happen. 

But nothing about Steve was supposed to happen. He should have died years ago, in a hospital bed in Brooklyn while his mother held his hand. Each time Steve beat another trip to the hospital, it had felt like a miracle. Like God was letting him in on a little secret. And when Steve had found Bucky, all those years and lives later, he thought that maybe, just maybe that was God letting him in on another little secret like he had all those years ago.

Steve didn’t think that way anymore. 

If the world were just, he would have died years ago. Bucky would have lived a long, happy life and died an old man in his bed, surrounded by his family. 

This was not the ending Steve had pictured. They had both wandered, lost and alone across a century of time to find each other again, to find a place where they both fit, and everything made sense.

Now, it was all ash. 

_Steve?_

Steve crawled across the ground, his hands and knees covered in blood, sweat, and dust. His gloved fingers dug into the earth as the sound of frenzied calls picked up around him. He dug into the ground, trying to get closer, to what, he wasn’t sure. If he could just dig deeper, perhaps on the other side of all this mess he’d find Bucky again.

The weak voices around him turned to screams, the screams into wails, the wails into sobs. 

The sound rattled him; he knew their sobs to be his own, even as his eyes remained dry. His body ached in response as he dug in silence, his body surrounded by a pile of ash. He dug deeper, the pieces of earth lodging under his short fingernails.

_Steve?_

He couldn’t do anything but dig harder, faster, and deeper. Steve’s heart beat heavy in his chest as the surrounding chaos seemed to seep inside, burrowing into his bones as he burrowed into the earth. His arm caught a piece of a broken branch, cutting at the patch of exposed flesh. The blood welled to the surface, another splash of red on his pale skin.

Good, Steve thought. Perhaps his the blood would mix with the ashes on the ground. Maybe that would be enough, the one thing he could give that would make everything right again. Steve would gladly give it all.

But that would never work. Even if he cut his wrists and gave everything back to the earth, it would never be enough. 

They weren’t coming back. 

Bucky wasn’t ever coming back. 

_Steve?_

Steve fell to his side, the sound around him deafening. He wanted to cover his ears, to block it out, but it was inside him now. He lifted his eyes, looking but not seeing as the wave of noise pulled him under. 

He looked out, his breath heavy and body tired as his lips parted on a single sound.

“Oh, god.”


End file.
